You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times