I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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