So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
