The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
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We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
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If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.