So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.