We're like a lot better than the average bears
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I skipped work to stalk him.
Actions speak louder than pants.
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He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
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This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.