Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial