just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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