i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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