And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
