if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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