My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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