OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
