I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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