Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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