at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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