if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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