There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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