theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
