And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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