he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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