You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
