worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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