Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
