I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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