go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
