Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
