just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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