When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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