Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
