He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
