I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
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It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
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I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize