I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
