Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
