um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
