im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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