I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
