i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
