hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
