i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
