JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
