I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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