I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
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Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
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I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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