I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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