So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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