Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
