You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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