I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
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you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
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Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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