apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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