Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
