Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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