I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
