The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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