I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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