nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
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Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
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Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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