Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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