I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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