It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
