I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
