I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
