My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
