I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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