I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize